...then I love you. And you must love me. You must, to still be checking this blog even though I have left you in the lurch so many times. The truth of the matter is--or the paradox of the matter is--that I haven't felt like there was much to merit a post, and yet I have been so busy that there's no time to post anyway. You know...busy cleaning and playing and cooking and cleaning and playing and cooking. And then when the babies go to bed and I finish the last round of cleaning, I drag myself, bit by exhausted bit, up the stairs and into bed. Thirty seconds later, E wakes up and I go lay down with her and get her back to sleep. Stumble back to bed. Then J wakes up. Go get him, feed him, stumble back to bed. E wakes up again, because in her sleep she has inadvertently pushed off the humongous stuffed elephant I've crammed next to her to fool her half-conscious self into thinking that I'm still lying next to her. Go lie back down with her. Stumble back to bed. Finally make it to morning to do it all again.
I'm tired. You get my drift.
And yet, every morning I am excited to go get them from their rooms and start another day. And every morning I wonder that I can still feel like this. As bone-achingly tired as I am, I find that I would rather get up and see them than roll over and go back to sleep.
I didn't sit down to write a cheesy post about how much I love my children or wax sentimental about my day-in--and-day-outs, but I think it's a small testimony that should be recorded about God's mercies that are "new every morning." I read that passage in a new light now. But isn't that just it about God? You can never come to the end of Him. You can never figure Him all out. When He starts to fit into a box--any box--I know it's time for me to rethink things.
Just some thoughts on a Thursday night. I'll get around to those home-y, recipe-y things I promised eventually. Maybe, just maybe, I'll break 5 posts in October. Maybe that's a bit ambitious. Maybe neither child will wake up tonight. Hmm.... Anyway, until then, here's to the cool side of my pillow and a new morning that'll be here before I know it.
Good night.
9 comments:
Hey Sweet Girl, my heart aches that you are so tired. I know that you are. Loved reading your blog this morning and am reminded that I am to be thankful all over again for the woman,wife and mom that you have become. Continue to draw strength from His 'new' mercies each day and take those days one at a time. I love you. Dad
Oh, girl, I can only imagine having two small children to care for. You do such a wonderful job, and I know that feeling (on a wee bit smaller level!)-the Lord sustains us even though we don't have the energy! I like to think of it as His reminder that we have to totally rely on Him for everything!
your kids have a really great mom. :)
love you!
Loved this post- I think you read my mind last night-- I told Ryan I feel such a need for rest yet it feels so unattainable! But of course I woke up this morning with a new day and new God given strength! Anyways, just letting you knwo I can totally relate and glad to be reminded of God's mercies! Your kids are very blessed to ahve a momma like you!
you are such a great mom. i love you and miss you and plan to invite myself over again very soon. :)
ha! last night was the first night in the week i got to sleep for 6 hours in a row. my sleep was ended by someone who needed to go to the bathroom. awesome. i hate to say it but it will be this way for a while. i will say though, there is something so sweet about snuggling with your babies in the middle of the night.
and, how sweet is your daddy's comment!
I remember feeling like this while Tony Mark, Andrew, and Caleb were little. There is not a more physically demanding time in a women's life than when she is taking care of a toddler or two and nursing a baby. I remember thinking that they would NEVER all sleep through the night at one time. Just remember all this work will one day reap eternal rewards in those two little lives God is using you to help mold. I know you know that or you would not be such a diligent mother. I praise the Lord for such a wonderful wife for my son and mother for my precious grandchildren!
i like you, rachel fisher.
straight from the heart, and it is beautiful... that is my comment about this one. thank you for letting us know how to pray! you encourage me :) i need to send you some more poncho's cheese dip, super soon.
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