The Labor Liturgy.

Subtitle: "On fear, part II."
Sub-subtitle: "Today is my due date."

These are more excerpts from the piece of paper tucked inside my hospital bag:



"Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!"

Psalm 34:8

"You are my hiding place...you surround me
with shouts of deliverance."

Psalm 32:8

"You strengthen me more and more;
you enfold and comfort me."

Psalm 71:21

"There is no fear in love...."

I John 4:18a

"[She] is not afraid of bad news;
[her] heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.
[Her] heart is steady; [she] will not be afraid."

Psalm 112:7-8a

"And he [Jesus] shall be their peace."

Micah 5:5a

"The Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials."

II Peter 2:9a

"And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace
by those who make peace."

James 3:18

"Consequently, he is able to save to the uttermost
those who draw near to God through him,
since he always lives to make intercession for them."

Hebrews 7:25

"Oh tarry and await the Lord's pleasure;
be strong, and he shall comfort your heart;
wait patiently for the Lord."

Psalm 27:18

"You are good and you bring forth good!"

from Psalm 119

These are all verses that the Lord himself has brought to me in His perfect timing over the past couple of weeks. I never searched the concordance for passages on fear--in fact, it never even occured to me--and yet He has been so faithful and kind to speak to my need from His Word until the fear was gone. I suppose it couldn't stay around anyway, because it is the antithesis of perfect love. Every moment I choose to let Love reign, the fear must flee.(What promise!) The struggle for me lies in the frequency of the confrontation between love and fear. It is a momentary battle to choose to trust; it is a struggle that seems to begin all over again a thousand times a day. But I rest in this promise: Love will win every time!

The last days.

These past few days have been so sweet for our family. Because we've elected not to induce, we're living each day--and night!--with the hopeful anticipation of Rivers' arrival. This also means that we're living each day as though it could be our last as a family of four. We've gotten out more (I was craving breakfast for dinner last Thursday so we loaded up the kids and went to Cracker Barrel...don't worry, it was DELICIOUS), stayed up later (tonight we let them watch the whole of Lady and the Tramp in bed. It's 10:30 and Elizabeth just went to sleep), and just all-around enjoyed our children, most of the time at the expense of routine and schedule. It's been a much needed lesson for me, who is always harping on bedtimes and bathtimes and what's too big of a mess to make, etc. It's been a precious time, slow and unhurried and fully enjoyed, with Tony and Elizabeth and Judah and I'm so happy that God has given us these sort of days before Rivers' birth. 

This morning Elizabeth went with me to the doctor. Afterward, we ended up taking a lady home from Bartlett to Raleigh and then going to Target for necessities like pull-ups and Dora bandaids. (We straight go through some bandaids around here. They're like candy!) Judah got to stay home with Omi and play his heart out outside all morning. We got him golf clubs for his birthday, and it's Tony's never-ending delight to find out that all Judah wants to do when he's awake is to be outdoors hitting a ball over and over and over again. This morning's swing practice produced this when we came inside and settled down for a little bit:

 This is exactly one of the reasons I love that the weather is so beautiful! Good sleeping and good appetites.

Movie night:

Sadly, this post was not a baby post, but I'm trying to get into a blogging routine so I don't completely fall off the face of the earth when the baby comes...which, please Lord!, will be soon.

Until then, may His peace be with you and me!

Belly shot and shoe-shops.

Here's me from this morning at 39 weeks. If I make it to tomorrow, it will have been the longest I've ever been pregnant! I'm so thankful to trust in a God with perfect timing.

The video is from this morning too. I got the kids some of those 2 for $5 flip flops at Old Navy the other day, and I don't think I could have done a better or a worse thing. Sometimes that's how it goes with kids. (Can I get an amen?) The shoes made them immensely happy, but Judah has since proceeded to throw raging fits when we take them off...you know, like for BATH AND BEDTIME. Anyway, it's worth it just to hear him go around calling them his "shoe-shops." I love when he does something so particularly Judah like this.

Here's hoping the next post is a baby post!

On fear.

"Behold, God is my help; it is the Lord who sustains my life."

from Psalm 119 [emphasis mine]

"...God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind."

II Timothy 1:7 [emphasis mine]

"...do good and do not fear anything that is frightening." {a word specifically to women!}

I Peter 3:6b

"All the paths of the Lord are love and faithfulness to those who keep his covenant and his testimonies."

from Psalm 25

"My heart quakes within me, and the terrors of death have fallen upon me. Fear and trembling have come over me, and horror overwhelms me. And I said, 'Oh, that I had wings like a dove...I would hasten to escape from the stormy wind and tempest.' But I will call upon God, and the Lord will deliver me. Cast your burden upon the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous stumble."

Psalm 55: 4-6, 8, 16, 22

The timeliness of God's word sometimes catches me off guard. Fear is something I've been dealing with and struggling through these past few weeks, but God is--as ever--showing Himself faithful. And not only faithful, but completely and intimately aware of my thoughts and my heart. He must be, to give me such timely encouragement. Another thing I'm having to live is the belief that fear is the opposite of faith. Fear prompts the counter action to faith...and vice versa. So to counteract fear, I must declare that it has no place in my life (for perfect Love has cast it out!). That declaration of faith becomes an act of faith. There's something to be said for the power of spoken words. And I am learning to choose to say, "I am not afraid."

Oh yeah, and a belly pic.

This is almost 38 weeks. I had to include both pictures purely for Judah's faces. In the first one he's completely content with his thumb and the ever-present Puppy. By the last one (I think there were multiple tries and multiple blurry shots in between) he's ready for me to be finished! Move on, Mom. 

100th post!

Hey! We're getting somewhere. The 100th post is a milestone, right? All you frequent bloggers quit shaking your heads at me.

Not much has been happening here, other than some serious nesting. Exhibits A, B, C, and so on:



Baby clothes all washed and waiting for a sweet little body to cover.



Blankets and Moby wrap washed and diapers ready for action.



Cradle's ready in our room at Tony's parents' house (where we're currently living).
Some wonderfully generous friends from our church are letting us borrow this beautiful thing so Rivers has somewhere to sleep.



Bags are packed for the most part, except for the things I still use everyday.



The present you see at the top right of that last picture is for Judah and Elizabeth when they come to meet the baby for the first time in the hospital. I got them each a simple little "Big Sister Elizabeth" and "Big Brother Judah" shirts off etsy and a sweet lady gave us a bag full of toys for them at my shower...which I came home and hid until I wrapped them up with their shirts. Hopefully that will be a fun and special thing for them...apart from meeting their new brother! 

Elizabeth is estatic about Rivers, always hugging my tummy, saying "I loooove you, baby Rivers" and wanting to feeling him kick (and then being thrilled when he does). We talk about how much she's going to help me as the big sister, and I really think she will. I'm so excited to see her with him.

Judah is a wild card. He knows where the baby is when we ask him (he points to my belly), and occasionally will randomly say "Rivers," but that's about it. He is 100% into two-year-old mode, so that's a little scary. Prayers would be appreciated!

As far as Tony and I go, I'm just basically trying to make it through each day with my heavy eyelids open and trying to be as un-zombie-like as possible. I do not remember being this exhausted and sleepy right before the other two! Tony says it's never really real to him until the baby actually gets here. Which I sort of get...except that I have a huge reminder that I'm lugging around in front of me all the time. I think we're all just ready to get this show on the road! Really trying to be patient though, resting and enjoying our last days with just two kids. 

I feel like, at least for me, it's that way in every area and at every time of my life. I so want to live in the present moment, not wishing away today in anticipation of tomorrow, or dwelling on the good things (or the regrets!) of the past. God is granting me the grace to do that, but I have to remember to ask for it almost momentarily. We're living the practical application of "my grace is sufficient for you" these days.

Stay tuned!